Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
