Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The ass gains better be worth it
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