So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
