If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize