if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
