fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have tasted many bathrooms
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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