be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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