I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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