Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
