If that was your dad, he is hot
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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