i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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