ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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