My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
