Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
