I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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