how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
