Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
