so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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