dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
