I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
