Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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