I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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