you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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