she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
MIDGETS
????
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
