could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
