I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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