it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
