he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
