he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
