Your face is a jimmy john
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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