I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
