I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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