This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
