u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
