Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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