Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
