he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
