I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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