I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
