May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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