the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
