so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize