haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
