I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
