i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
a search helicopter?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
