Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
