I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
