What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
