Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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