My first STD was from a foam party
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
