I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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