I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
