Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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