apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my shit smells like andre
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
