dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
