your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
