I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
