I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
