Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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