She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
