Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
