Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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