Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
