you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
