The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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