I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
