she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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