Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Randomize
