A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
