That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
